Hi everyone! Your favorite merc with a mouth here! (ooc: and me!) Shut up, no one is following us for YOU, Matt. (ooc: I just thought I'd share...) Now, is there something you wanted or should I start shooting you now?

Always accepting drabble prompts.

Face claim, though very rarely used is NOT Ryan Reynolds so don't use him. My face claim is Kane.

A proud member of the Assvengers

Icon by Diableret (Diableret.tumblr.com)
  • 31
    17 hours ago reblog
  • diableret said:

    "Hey Wade.... Daken said you stole his wallet... give it back..." Dia stood with her arms crossed sternly.

    diableret:

    betteroffdeadpool:

    diableret:

    betteroffdeadpool:

    diableret:

    betteroffdeadpool:

    "Okay, hang on a second."

    Wade left the room and came back with a garbage can full of ashes, burnt scraps of leather, and plenty of hot pocket wrappers.

    "The wrappers are an extra gift from me."

    "You have to be kidding me…" She shook her head.

    "Seriously Wade, why the hell did you do that? He is going to be so pissed…"

    "I know. Isn’t it hilarious? Besides, Daken’s a wiener and I relish in his pain. Get it? Relish? Haha…"

    "trust me, its the pain I worry about when I tell him about this… oh my demons… I have a feeling he’s going to impale the messenger with this one…" 

    Wade’s eyes narrowed a bit at this. He really hated Daken. 

    "Well I guess the messenger’s also gonna have to give him a delivery." Wade explained, pulling out a grenade. "From Wade with love. Then again, I think I might just give it to him myself."

    She rolled her eyes, “Great… lets make sure he is pissed off to the point he comes after the one of us who doesn’t have a healing factor…”

    "Who? Me? It’s me isn’t it. 

    Don’t worry about it Di, Daken’s a pushover. Just toss him some cupcakes full of gunpowder and he’ll be fine. And then shoot him and enjoy the show.”

    6
    17 hours ago reblog
  • diableret said:

    "Hey Wade.... Daken said you stole his wallet... give it back..." Dia stood with her arms crossed sternly.

    diableret:

    betteroffdeadpool:

    diableret:

    betteroffdeadpool:

    "Okay, hang on a second."

    Wade left the room and came back with a garbage can full of ashes, burnt scraps of leather, and plenty of hot pocket wrappers.

    "The wrappers are an extra gift from me."

    "You have to be kidding me…" She shook her head.

    "Seriously Wade, why the hell did you do that? He is going to be so pissed…"

    "I know. Isn’t it hilarious? Besides, Daken’s a wiener and I relish in his pain. Get it? Relish? Haha…"

    "trust me, its the pain I worry about when I tell him about this… oh my demons… I have a feeling he’s going to impale the messenger with this one…" 

    Wade’s eyes narrowed a bit at this. He really hated Daken. 

    "Well I guess the messenger’s also gonna have to give him a delivery." Wade explained, pulling out a grenade. "From Wade with love. Then again, I think I might just give it to him myself."

    6
    17 hours ago reblog
  • diableret said:

    "Hey Wade.... Daken said you stole his wallet... give it back..." Dia stood with her arms crossed sternly.

    diableret:

    betteroffdeadpool:

    "Okay, hang on a second."

    Wade left the room and came back with a garbage can full of ashes, burnt scraps of leather, and plenty of hot pocket wrappers.

    "The wrappers are an extra gift from me."

    "You have to be kidding me…" She shook her head.

    "Seriously Wade, why the hell did you do that? He is going to be so pissed…"

    "I know. Isn’t it hilarious? Besides, Daken’s a wiener and I relish in his pain. Get it? Relish? Haha…"

    6
    17 hours ago reblog
  • this-city-is-a-symphony said:

    "Wade!" Alison beamed. "Hey! How's the best bodyguard in the business?"

    this-city-is-a-symphony:

    betteroffdeadpool:

    this-city-is-a-symphony:

    betteroffdeadpool:

    "My favorite BeDazzler!" Wade grinned. "I’m only the best because I’m usually the one killing bodyguards. How about you, have you made Gene Simmons your bitch yet?"

    "Almost. Like, a smidge off from it,” she answered with a grin, holding her index and her thumb a few tick marks apart. “I can guarantee no more bad guys have even thought to hide in a light fixture or a disco ball; not since they’ve seen what you do to them when they do.”

    "Don’t worry, you’ll get him soon enough." Wade teased, then grinned at old memories. 

    "For the record, I thought that they looked lovely when I was done with them. Added a nice gruesome touch to the shows. Heh, the best part is that they lived through it… good times…" 

    "Well, they looked like they were actively dying and seeing Jesus, so, yeah. I’d say they learned their lesson." Considering how much pf a brat Alison had been to Wade when they first met, it was small wonder they were so friendly now. But when a man who is contractually obligated to guard you ends up saving your life a few times, you learn not to be such a jerk.

    "How’re you?"

    "You’re right. I should work for Marilyn Manson." Wade considered aloud. Then again, Wade was always less about stage design and more about the costumes. I wonder if that’s why he took one of Dazzler’s.

    'Hey, that was a gift. A gift that she doesn't know she gave me. Aly's got more!'

    Whatever.

    "Me? Oh you know, still homicidal. Still hotter than brimstone. Still hungrier than Scooby Doo. How ‘bout you? Still need your body guarded? I might be able to get you a discount, but my boss is pretty strict about that kind of thing so I can’t promise anything."

    5
    17 hours ago reblog
  • kevinsgrimm:

Liz Katz is Beautiful!

She reminds me of someone… but who…

    kevinsgrimm:

    Liz Katz is Beautiful!

    She reminds me of someone… but who…

    172
    19 hours ago reblog
  • thejadedkiwano:

    Let’s play a game.

    Type the following words into your tags box, then post the first automatic tag that comes up.

    you

    also

    what

    when

    why

    how

    look

    because

    never

    ((Layla’s tags were awesome))

    121521
    20 hours ago reblog
  • assvengers-rpgroup:

    Due to being unable to get back into her blog, Bobbi has remade her blog at the URL above. Please refollow her here!

    5
    1 day ago reblog
  • asamericanascapplepie said:

    ✺ (...I don't know what this meme was for, but I wanted to interact with you. >.>)

    :D I’d love to interact with you more!

    Send a ✺ for my muse’s reaction to yours hitting mine out of anger.

    image

    "Ohh capth, ah int’th thinth yoo hath ith in yoo."

    Wade teased, jaw not exactly in ‘one piece’. He’d been picking at the boy scout for the better part of an hour, but asking about his love life may have been a step too far. That’s probably why Wade sprinted even farther down that direction.

    "You know, my dad met you once." Wade continued, his jaw working again. "Don’t try to remember, just shook your hand along with fifty other generals or some shit. It was a bigger deal for him then it was for you.

    He said the moment he saw you talk, he saw the biggest pussy he’d ever seen. Respected you, sure, but a womanizer like my dad saw right through you. Said he would have been shocked if you’d even gotten to first base. Don’t worry, I got your back. I believe that you got all around the bases with, uhh, what’s her face? Peggy right? Man I bet you rode her so hard that it took her at least, like, a week before she found a new ‘ride’.”

    1 day ago reblog
  • betteroffdeadpool said:

    ✺ (Oh, this is gonna end painfully)

    victor-of-latveria:

    betteroffdeadpool:

    victor-of-latveria:

    One metal gauntlet closed about the mercenary’s wrist.  “Tell me,” he inquired, his voice like silk over iron, “what possibly could have lead you to think that was a good idea?”

    The monarch did not, in fact, give the mercenary time for one of his flippant remarks.  “Death has turned her face from you.  And yet you still tempt fate by coming here and striking me in anger.”

    Electricity crawled over the gauntlet; seeking out the mercenary’s nervous system and flashing through it.

    "That you do not stay day simply means I am affored the chance to be more creative with your lessons," the monarch rumbled as the acrid scent of cooking flesh curled in the air around them.

    Wade chuckled a little bit when Doom grabbed his wrist, but didn’t actually get much of a chance to taunt him. “Well I figured ‘why not chop you up an-‘ OHISMAMATHISIMTHEINREALFEARLIFEFORISMYTHISLIFEJUSTFROMFANTASYTHECAUGHTLONGINARMAOFLANDSLIDETHELAW” was what Wade yelped as Doom tried to turn the mercenary into Static Shock.

    Wade, stunned and wobbled, tried to catch his breath before giving Doom a cartoony grin. “That was awesome… I can’t feel my hand… Dude, you’re gonna have to loan me that glove and a couple of playboy’s later on…”

    Wade’s joking gave him a moment to clear his mind and plan out his next few actions. He’d need it to remember why he was here. It wasn’t for a job… steal something! Robot plans maybe? Or was it something magic? Whatever it was, punching Doom was pretty fun. It might slow him down a while, but Wade was clever. He could always figure something out.

    Doom regarded the lunatic impassively.  “You should go play with Thanos.  I hear he has Death issues too.  I, on the other hand, have precious little desire to waste resources on you.”

    He made a dismissive gesture with the right gauntlet; one backed up by a repulsor blast.   “You will not kill me.   You will not take anything of value from here except perhaps a healthy measure of respect for for me - if your lunatic brain can even conceptualize concepts beyond your own immediate self-gratification.”

    "Aww, Victor, you’re gonna hurt my feelings." Wade teased, his head clear again. The mercenary yanked off his charred hand and wiped away the toasted flesh and pressed against his wrist again , figuring it’d heal faster than waiting for ashes to grow into skin and muscle.

    "I never liked that name… ‘Victor’… Nothing personal, just reminds me of a furry dude." Wade paced a little bit, not showing any fear even though that’s what anyone who wasn’t an idiot would do. Then again, most people aren’t virtually immortal with suicidal tendencies like Wade. 

    "You know Vic, you shouldn’t be so mean to me. I can kill you, you know. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it’d be easy. If I tried a million times then 999,999 of those tries would end up with my ass inside my nose faster than I could spell Latveria, but that’s the thing. I only need to hit you once."

    Wade wiggled his fingers on his right hand, showing off. This was going better than he could have hoped. 

    "So what do you say? I’m not asking you to be Death Wish like in that other universe, but we can still be all buddy-buddy. Eh?"

    4
    1 day ago reblog
  • cleavageandclaws:

    28

    Can I borrow a couple bucks?

    "You’re… asking for money?

    I don’t know who the hell you are, but the Black Cat I know would never ‘ask’ for money. What’s going on?”

    1
    1 day ago reblog
  • betteroffdeadpool said:

    ✺ (Oh, this is gonna end painfully)

    victor-of-latveria:

    One metal gauntlet closed about the mercenary’s wrist.  “Tell me,” he inquired, his voice like silk over iron, “what possibly could have lead you to think that was a good idea?”

    The monarch did not, in fact, give the mercenary time for one of his flippant remarks.  “Death has turned her face from you.  And yet you still tempt fate by coming here and striking me in anger.”

    Electricity crawled over the gauntlet; seeking out the mercenary’s nervous system and flashing through it.

    "That you do not stay day simply means I am affored the chance to be more creative with your lessons," the monarch rumbled as the acrid scent of cooking flesh curled in the air around them.

    Wade chuckled a little bit when Doom grabbed his wrist, but didn’t actually get much of a chance to taunt him. “Well I figured ‘why not chop you up an-‘ OHISMAMATHISIMTHEINREALFEARLIFEFORISMYTHISLIFEJUSTFROMFANTASYTHECAUGHTLONGINARMAOFLANDSLIDETHELAW” was what Wade yelped as Doom tried to turn the mercenary into Static Shock.

    Wade, stunned and wobbled, tried to catch his breath before giving Doom a cartoony grin. “That was awesome… I can’t feel my hand… Dude, you’re gonna have to loan me that glove and a couple of playboy’s later on…”

    Wade’s joking gave him a moment to clear his mind and plan out his next few actions. He’d need it to remember why he was here. It wasn’t for a job… steal something! Robot plans maybe? Or was it something magic? Whatever it was, punching Doom was pretty fun. It might slow him down a while, but Wade was clever. He could always figure something out.

    4
    1 day ago reblog
  • mortal-of-mischief:

    Loki groaned from the way back of the shop, hearing the jingle coming from the front. He’d had an order of five guitars waiting, but today was no such day for peace. “Be there in a mo! Take a look around if you’d like!”

    "Don’t mind if I already did!" Wade took his time looking around the shop, making note of anything interesting. 

    "Hmm… I could fit a bomb in there… turn that into a flame thrower….. Stick that up Logans ass if I’m quiet and sneaky enough……"

    Wade, those are all guitar picks.

    "Yes."

    … okay then. 

    "Yo, guy in back. Do you have an axe that’s also an ax. Or is it an ax that’s also an axe? As long as I can maim someone and then play a sweet riff while they bleed out I should be good."

    2
    1 day ago reblog
  • this-city-is-a-symphony:

    Headcanon: Wade and Alison watched Golden Girls together when he was her bodyguard, after she stopped acting like a brat and he saved her life. And it’s something they continue to do.

    3
    1 day ago reblog
  • iamdeathoftheendless said:

    a ✺ (ps I literally just accidentally unfollowed. Stupid Mobil app)

    //I thought you just REALLY wanted to be my 999th follower. 

    Wade turned his head back to the woman in front of him slowly. He wasn’t hurt or angry, just annoyed. 

    "Didi." Wade spoke calmly, but waved a gun around for emphasis. "I’d really appreciate it if you got the hell out of my apartment. You know the way."

    1
    2 days ago reblog